I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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