I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
