be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
