Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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