My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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