I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
