i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
