forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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