So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
