I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
