Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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