im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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