I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
