Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
