I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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