Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
