I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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