I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
