Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
