then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
