Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
