How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
