Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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