If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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