I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
