he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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