Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
