The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
