Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize