my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize