every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
