Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
