i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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