Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize