Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
