I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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