The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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