At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
