A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
