My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
