Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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