I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
