The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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