he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
