I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
