Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
