I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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