i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
