I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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