: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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