I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
