Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
