i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
