after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
