I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
