I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
