We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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