If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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