It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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