WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
