I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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