so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
