She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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