Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
