I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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