well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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