doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
