She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
