I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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