I could make wine with my vomit
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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