i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
