thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
