how can u be prego again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
